Waterworks

I cry

A Lot

Happy tears, sad tears, tears of frustration, tears of disappointment, tears of guilt…..it doesn’t matter.

I am not ashamed, but I do prefer to do it in private.

I am sure this is normal postpartum wishy-washiness (and my Dr. assures me it is), but it doesn’t make it any easier when I am not a crier to begin with.

It also doesn’t help when people look at you like you’ve lost your marbles. When they do I want to yell at them “Hey-you know what? I just had a baby whose current address is still at the hospital, I hurt from doing too much walking and other activity after a C-section, and I have a husband and son at home that I think about when I am at the hospital and I think of my daughter when I am at home. So back off!” But, I don’t of course.

I think that maybe the situation makes it worse, but to be honest, since Jonathan was a NICU baby too, I don’t know what normal is in terms of a post pregnancy. I don’t know what it feels like to hold your baby right away. I don’t know what it feels like to bring your baby home with you. I don’t know if the huge influx of daily emotions I feel is normal.

I figure that since crying is the main side effect and not something weird or twisted, that I am doing OK for now. I am pretty sure that when Alex comes home that things will start to get back to a shade of what passes for normal at our home.

I know most people don't talk about this, but as this is my current reality, I guess that makes it fair fodder for a blogger;)