Things I was told that may or may not be true.

When people told me that I would love my son more than anything I have ever loved with  depth that was profound as soon as he was born, I thought they were nuts. When people told me that after he was born, my "mothering" instinct would kick in, I thought they had been puffing the wacky tabacky. When someone told me that women who gave birth traditionally were jealous of women who had C-sections, I thought well maybe that wouldn't be too bad then. When everyone said that Jonathan would make our feeling of family stronger and more complete, I thought that our family felt pretty good at the moment.

The part about the love for Jonathan was absolutely 100% true. I look at him and I can feel deep inside a sense of pride and love that is overwhelming.

I look forward to each stage of his development as I have never looked forward to anything in my life. I worry about him when I am not the one taking care of him and want to protect him from all of the bad things in the world. I want so many things for him and wonder about the man he will one day become. I thought that I had given my heart to my husband many years ago, but I have to be truthful and say he may have gotten a small part of it, because my little Bubbie has me, heart, body and soul. I never thought I would feel anything so profound or be a part of something that changed me right to the core. I was far from a selfish person before him, but now it is ALL about him. He will always come first and I will do anything I can to make sure that his life is a good one.

The part about the "mothering" instinct isn't exactly correct for some of us I guess. The only thing that came naturally to me was the love and the part where I couldn't stand for him to be in any pain. Everything else I learned from others or from things I read. I am sure that some women have this instinct and it comes out in full force, but I am sadly not one of them. I didn't know anything about babies and was scared crapless when we brought him home form the hospital. What would I do now without the nurses and their expertise when I had a question. Thank goodness my mom was there for the first 3 weeks he was home-otherwise I would have been a total freak (even more than I am) and had no clue what to do many times a day.

The part about the family being stronger and more complete is true more than I can ever explain.

I thought that Chris and I were a good little family before Jonathan came along. If that was true, we are a better family now. Our bond to Jonathan has made a little circle of love, instead of a single line. Don't get me wrong, we have some issues as all couples do, but currently a lot of them is because I am an overprotective mother. I am working on that, but it is hard to squelch that feeling and wondering if Chris will remember everything. It truly has nothing to do with him, just me being paranoid and concerned like a mother bear.

The part about the C-section was completely false. Now I have never had an episiotomy, so I can't really say for sure, but I am thinking that it heals quicker than a C-section. I couldn't sit upright by myself, I couldn't get out of bed without having something to pull or push on. I couldn't bend over for 2 weeks afterwards. Trying to get in and out of the car to go to the hospital and visit Jonathan was a painful chore. Walking up and down stairs or walking any kind of distance at all was painful and exhausting. Showering was a 2 person job for the first week. Even holding my son was uncomfortable at best, and painful at times. I couldn't get up from a chair while holding him and I couldn't breastfeed. I could only wear clothes that were VERY loose and had an elastic waist. I couldn't sleep except on my side with a towel between my knees for 2 weeks. It is weird to feel everything inside settling back into place; for a couple of weeks after the surgery I felt off like things inside were moving and it was disconcerting. It was the same feeling I had during the surgery when they were moving things to get to my uterus and them when they had to push on my lungs to get the baby out and I couldn't breath. I kept thinking that the incision was going to pop open and everything was going to fall out. Even now things still feel out of whack. I feel like I have a bruise in that area. I can move the wrong way or have one of the animals step there and it is painful. So the myth that women who get a C-section have it easier is wrong.